Week 2 (01/18-01/22) went something like this. My focal point was 1 Peter 2:9-10:
Week 2: 1 Peter 2:9-10 …Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy…
- 17th – today was a good slow day, great worship at ANC. no exercise. no real doing…but still wrestling with doing. I’ve also decided to attempt to stream line and narrow down what I ‘do’ as far as study – (1) Personal Study, which will be through the book of 1 Peter & a book challenging my personal relationship with God. (2) Theological Study (3) Sermon Study and (4) Restore Communities Study. Good Night!
- 18th – This week we are working on a short verse to simply meditate on and memorize, but after last week, it is a good verse to get into our soul. I have a very busy weeks ahead, and my tendency will be to stress and neglect my family for the sake of study and assurance. But I don’t want to do that this week! So, Father, I need you grace, I need to do what I know to do, but not neglect those and that which you have given me…I started my first day off simply dwelling on 1 Peter 2:9-10, and it was good. My run was great, slow, but great. Theological study didn’t really happen. Sermon study really started to come together. Jesus, thank you for your mercy….
- 19th – Today we got the beast back – Fiona. It was a great day, went by too quick and was way too tired, but over all it was good…God continually, in so much love and grace, is revealing to me my Idols, the God things I have in my life that I allow to get more attention and affection than him – God save me from “the work of my own hands…”
- 20th – Today was a day, that I was in a great mood, but didn’t really want to spend time in prayer or scripture – just being honest – it wasn’t there. I did it anyway, and am really glad I did. Once again, God allowed a little incident, that shouldn’t even be considered an incident, reveal more junk in me. I allowed that incident to throw me off course, which in turn, revealed to me my Idle of knowledge and knowing and being right…I had a great 9.5 mile run, the eating is still going well. today I end with an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness for Sarah and the kids, ANC, and the people God has placed in my life in the last 18 months…
- 21st – Today was an easy day, woke up a bit late. I hate when that happens. You feel as if you are spending the rest of your day catching up. Once again, confronted with my right-to-be-right, my need-to-control, and pride…I was, or should I say, the Spirit worked through me to make me submissive and fine with it, actually satisfied with it. I so often HATE what I see in me – “Father make me into a man that follows the spirit, and do not allow me to be a man who continues to follow in the flesh!” My thought was, that I want to literally get to the point in which each day, I am constantly focusing on the cross…i.e. – in any situation, stop and ask myself, “because of the cross why, how, could it be, or is this situation different…” I don’t know another way to do it, but I feel confident, as I begin to do that, the Holy Spirit will begin to answer that question in me…
- 22nd – So, here is the thought I begin with to close out my week, “If it is true, that if I’m not willing to give up everything I have, then I cannot be a disciple of Christ“, my question is, or should I say: Father, my request is, “What in my life am I not willing to give up? I need these idols out of my life, please detox me of them…as to be your disciple is my desire!” I don’t think this is something God wants me to begin to wrestle with ‘in addition’ to the other idols he has revealed to me, rather I think this concept is something he wants me to begin to wrestle with so that I may go deeper into the root in order to clear out what I am wrestling with – if I was to be real honest, I’m not so sure I would or could give up anything and/or everything!
- 23rd – Overall, this was a good day, I’m think at a heart level, I’m beginning to really re-realize that I can’t do this, I simply have to repent and follow Christ…so, Father, help me to do this
I’m gonna close this week out with a quote from J.I. Packer:
Felt weakness deepens dependence on Christ for strength each day. The weaker we feel, the harder we lean. And the harder we lean, the stronger we grow spiritually, even while our bodies waste away. To live with your ‘thorn’ uncomplainingly — that is, sweet, patient, and free in heart to love and help others, even though every day you feel weak — is true sanctification. It is true healing for the spirit. It is a supreme victory of grace.
RECAP: A good week over all, but if anything, God is bringing me into grips with my own weakness. I have so much idolatry that holds me back, and yet I try to sustain these idols with my own strength. Yet, God seems to want to reveal to me, a certain kind of real weakness. A weakness that allows me to see to hold on to the idols, is to live in a facade, a pseudo-reality. Yet to embrace my weakness, only causes me to lean harder into Him.