It seems that God, in his divine way, has backed me into a good kind of corner, the kind that is teaching to let go. My friend and co-pastor, John Church, preached a great message out of Ecclesiastes 5 yesterday, and let me tell you, it was a rock in between the giant’s eye for me – in a good way, in a great way. This book is making me ask a lot of hard questions about my life, my reason for doing things, and what’s really important, and why they are important to me. If you haven’t kept up with the series, I suggest you do so, by clicking HERE. The very ugly reality about myself is I think there are a few things I do for very wrong reasons, some even for vanity sake. Isn’t that horrible, use God for my name… Sure, you want God to weed that junk out of you, but when he does, he has to spotlight it, and that just sucks, because you never really want to believe that stuff is in you.
When God does this, you have to come to grips with several things, like, “while God has invited you and me to play and to be involved in his redemptive plan on this earth he doesn’t need us for it to be accomplished – it is GOING to be accomplished whether you and I flake out or not.” Which, to be honest, if that is not a peace-giving reality, then it is only because we think his redemptive plan is so small that we could make it happen, and therefore do not understand the full depth of it. Because if we did, we would literally vaporize under the pressure of just thinking the success of it rested on us.
This past weekend, I almost produced an ulcer stressing over a ministry move – I’m not talking ministry move, like packing up my family to go plant a church in a foreign land, I’m talking about, simply being present during one project or another. Due to my schedule it was an either/or, not a both/and, but due to my over-inflated view of myself, I couldn’t let go of one for the other…until being in service yesterday… I’ll explain below.
For a non-traveling pastor/speaker, with four kids, a wife who is in school and someone who focuses on several things (which convinces me, I really focus on none, but that’s for another post), I have a pretty heavy travel schedule for the fall and winter:
- October I’ll be in San Francisco for the NFS Global Forum
November I’ll be in Haiti with Eden RP and HELP to look at some land and talk vision
- November I’ll be in Omaha Nebraska with Porterbrook to create intensives for the TRCPorterbrook
- December I’ll be in NYC with LOVE146 and HELP to talk about partnerships in Haiti and beyond
- December I’ll be in Peoria for Christmas, and will take the time to focus, read and listen
- January – nothing yet
- February, I’ll be in Portland at the Justice Conference.
But God loves us too much. He cares more about us, than the stuff we are doing, even if it is for him. And he will bring us to places in our life, in which the pressure (usually self-inflicted) is so heavy that you begin to realize that the thought of you being able to rely on self to accomplish the good tasks God has given you, is sillier than your 2 year old child thinking it can handle the financial responsibility for the whole family, much less herself. You begin to learn to let go, to cast all your burdens on him, and to realize, maybe what God is asking me to do, is not ‘DO’ he’s got this one, but begin to enter into a life of worship, and let go of the rest… Guess, what will happen, you will let go, and the world, doesn’t fall apart, and we are reminded, “thank God this world and all that needs to happen is dependent on God, not me…I just need to be obedient and full of worship, and he gets the glory, which really is what I want.“